It's Called Dodgeball Because You Dodge The Ball!
by igirisexual
Summary: Oh, Yao is so beautiful. If a dodgeball hit him, that would be a tragedy! RoChu. Vague FrUS, GerEng.


"Alright! You all know the rules to dodgeball, don't you?" The P.E. teacher was cheery, much too cheery for such a dreary morning. It looked like it was going to rain. But, regardless of the weather, he had called his class out to play a game of dodgeball all lesson. Because one of his students had asked about it. Two minutes ago. Ivan could've sworn that Mister Fernandez would do anything to please his class. Especially that Vargas kid.

"Yes, sir!" Ludwig said quickly, straightening his bulky shoulders.

"Great! Ludwig, since you're so eager, you can be the captain of one team, and hmm.. Let's see.." Mister Fernandez paused in thought, looking over the student body with excited green eyes. "Arthur, what about you? Since you get picked last usually," he laughed, unaware of how insensitive he could be sometimes. Or perhaps it was that he was a little sour towards Arthur because they didn't get along that well. "You're picked first this time!"

Cursing and muttering, Arthur moved forward to where Ludwig was already standing, astute and ready to pick out a team. The damned nerd.

"You're going down, sauerkraut." Arthur sneered, pointing to his boyfriend accusingly.

"I don't think so.." Ludwig returned, the tiniest of smug smiles on his usually blank face. "Yorkshire pudding." Ludwig was even smirking now, if you could call a kind of contorted smile that. He ignored Arthur when he protested rather aggressively that he was from London.

And from then, they picked their teams. Feliciano, to Ludwig (obvious, they're the best of friends). Alfred, to Arthur (only because Alfred is a freaking powerhouse when it comes to sport). Kiku, to Ludwig (he would probably feel bad if he didn't put his friends on his team). Yao, to Arthur (he was agile and ruthless when it came to winning). Gilbert, to Ludwig (he had to invite his brother, it was the same deal as with Kiku and Feliciano). Francis, to Arthur (only because Alfred wouldn't shut up until his boyfriend was on the team).

The rest of the people in the crowd were called to either team, leaving Ivan. With Arthur as one of the captains, he was last to be picked. Yao was usually one of the captains when they played a team game, and so Ivan was one of the first few to be called up. That was not the case today, however. Puffing out his chubby cheeks, Ivan trudged towards Ludwig's team. He could only look over at Yao and pine to be on the same team as his dear boyfriend.

"Team names!" cheered the teacher, pumping his tanned fist in the air. "Come up with them! They should be something that'll express your interests and individualities, and they should also be really cool!" Mister Fernandez was a teacher loved across the board, really.

Ludwig gathered his team into a huddle, although Ivan didn't really participate. He was kind of afraid that if he put his arms around his teammates, he would end up accidentally suffocating them because of his strength and size. He did that to a (former) pet hamster once. It was tragic.

The team straightened up and did some kind of cheer. It made Ivan honestly happy to see everyone smiling together. It did kind of hurt that he wasn't involved, though (but that was his choice). Also, he really didn't like Gilbert.

"Alright, you guys seem done, what've you got?" Mister Fernandez asked, grinning and pointing to Ludwig.

"Fire Dash Team, sir!" Ludwig answered sharply, nodding.

"Bringing the heat to the courts! Love it! Arthur, has your team got a name yet?"

Arthur's team didn't really seem to be acting like a team at the moment. Arthur was trying to punch Francis, who was in turn trying to hide behind Alfred. Yao was trying to kick Alfred for the lunch money he owed, and Kiku had wandered over to try and calm his brother. Out of the blue, Alfred leapt up and hollered a name at the teacher.

"_Super Mega Extreme Hero Machine Awesome Man! Two!"_ He practically yelled, and his whole team groaned in unison.

"No," Arthur spat, shoving the American back toward Francis. "We'll be Team _Alfred Is A Twat_." To his delight, everyone (except Alfred) agreed. "It's settled."

"You're awful," pouted Alfred, leaning on Francis and just starting to whine incessantly. Arthur bopped him on the nose as if he was a little dog.

Mister Fernandez clapped his hands together, and ushered the teams to either side of the court. He placed the dodgeballs on the dividing court line, quickly shuffled back, and blew the whistle.

The game began in a blur, with Ludwig and Alfred racing forward to the middle line to try and get the first throw in. Ludwig, with his brother's help, grabbed both of the balls in use, and lobbed them at members of the other team. Ivan froze when Yao was struck. This was a worse tragedy than the one time when Yao had a bad fall and broke his beautiful arm. Oh, goodness, the humanity! Yao's gorgeous chest had been hit.. What if it was forever altered? Never to be the same? Ivan felt faint.

A ball came soaring towards him (he had been standing still out of pure shock and horror, ergo making himself an easy target), and he noticed it just in time to catch it. Alfred swore death to him as he staggered off the court to wait to get in again. He took a moment to work out what was going on, before violently tossing the ball over to try and hit Arthur. His aim had been a little off, though, and Yao only _just_ managed to dodge it as it flew towards him. Just as he came back on court, too.

"Yao!" exclaimed Ivan, running up to the dividing line with a worried expression. "Goodness, I almost hit you, I'm sorry," he stammered, fiddling with his scarf and seeming to forget that the game was still in play. "I was aiming for Arthur, I swear.."

"Ivan, move!" Yao ordered, throwing a ball over the now-crouched Russian's head and cheering as it struck Feliciano square in the stomach.

Ivan stood back up again, and laughed nervously. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"For god's sake, Ivan, you're supposed to hit the other team in this game!" Yao exclaimed, jumping over a ball that came toward his feet. "Don't come apologizing to me in the middle of the court, idiot!"

"But Yao, if I'd hit you, I might've hurt you or your beautiful face.. That'd be a downright tragedy!" Ivan cried, watching as Yao danced about to avoid a barrage of incoming dodgeballs. Dear God, Yao was so damned pretty.

"Ivan, for goodness' sake!" Yao groaned despite his embarrassment. He was only a few feet away from his boyfriend at the dividing line now, still jeering left or right when a ball came his way. Ludwig was calling for Ivan to 'get back here, you fool', but Ivan didn't even hear him.

"Get out of the way!" Yao hissed worriedly, and Ivan just turned around. Oh, there was a ball flying towards his face. That was funny-.. Wait, shit, there was a ball flying towards his face. That wasn't funny at all. Kiku had a damned solid throw when he was trying to hit his brother, it seemed. The ball struck him hard, and he fell back, landing down on the court floor.

Head still spinning, Ivan vaguely registered Mister Fernandez blowing the whistle. He watched as various classmates crowded around his downed self, and squeaked a bit, self-conscious. Why were they all staring at him like that? Ludwig seemed incredulous to say the least. Kiku was apologizing furiously, and Ivan just kind of nodded.

He sat up quickly, frowning as he felt his nose bleeding. The sight or smell of blood made him feel sick, so this wasn't very nice at all. Yao helped him up to his feet, and shuffled him off the court so the game could continue. Mister Fernandez told the two to go and sit out for a bit until Ivan wasn't bleeding anymore.

"I love you, Yao," Ivan hummed dazedly, smiling even as Yao held tissues to his nose.

"That was silly of you, Ivan," Yao sighed. "You let your own team hit you."

"But it was worth it, because I got to protect your beautiful face! If I let you get hit, I could never forgive myself!" Ivan protested, looking down to Yao with an innocent face and wide eyes.

"Tell me you're joking," Yao puffed. "This is dodgeball. You're supposed to get hit."

"That's confusing," Ivan whined. "I thought you were supposed to dodge the ball. I was helping you!"

"God damn it, Ivan.." muttered Yao, rubbing his forehead with his free hand. "You're impossible.. More importantly, you're not supposed to help the _other team_!"

Frustrated and eager to get back to the game, Yao put the tissues in Ivan's hand, and stormed back off to the court. To him, Ivan's eyes were glued. Ivan just considered shielding Yao a heroic move, and felt proud to have saved Yao from possible injury that could have caused a problem on his stunning beauty. Good job, Ivan.

* * *

**what even is this . ohmy god. the end**


End file.
